not if i catch you first
by lazyscrawls
Summary: This was different and he had no idea how to get back up. All of a sudden the fourth member of the swim club meant suffocation and he was drowning.


When Nagisa was three, he (rather stupidly, mind you) jumped into the pool.

He didn't fall in love with its glistening ripples, nor was it a curious expedition often expected from a growing child.

He didn't know how to, or even _what_ was swimming. Three years old Nagisa merely decided that he _wanted_ to jump into the pool, and he did.

Nagisa was quite small for a three year old, so it soon occurred to him that he was sinking. _I should move_, he thought. So he did, and by some miraculous chance, he was able to paddle for a whole of five minutes before his mother realised he had left the changing room by himself.

He was lucky that way.

And he continued, believing (albeit a bit foolishly) in his own luck, diving headfirst into things. It was a good plan, he thought. It was.

The first time he approached Rin at the swim club was because of the rumours. He knew, from the scrawny boy in his class who heard from the boys in the changing room who were eavesdropping on some boys named Makoto and Haruka, that Rin wanted to form a relay team. Nagisa translated that into _fun fun fun_! He wasn't nearly the fastest in his class and he was quite sure that he would never be. But he asked, and Rin agreed, under the condition that he swam first in his next time trial.

So he swam. And he came first.

He wasn't carefree; he was care_less_. His mother used to say he ought to have a plan- he never listened yet things seemed to go according to one. Maybe it was someone else's Plan, but it suited him just fine.

At fifteen, things were still going according to Plan. He carried on leaping blindly into things, and things gladly went along for him. He was in the swim club, he had four best friends, and he was in a relay team.

There happened to be a glitch in one particular plan. Maybe it was his fault for being always so very invested. Maybe it was the glitch. Either way, it was not going according to whatever Plan was in action.

Nagisa sat at the edge of the pool and watched as Rei dived off the starting block, body arching into a perfect curve. His fist wandered automatically to his chest and he shoved at the hollow ache.

Nobody told him loving too quickly meant falling too hard.

It was different. He wondered if he should have had a plan, because this was different and he was too unprepared. Violet eyes seemed to dig into his chest and suddenly waking up meant only one thing to him.

This was different and he had no idea how to get back up. All of a sudden the fourth member of the swim club meant suffocation and he was drowning.

He would jump into it like he usually did but now everything was hazy one second and high definition in the next and he wasn't so sure anymore.

"Nagisa-kun," Rei said, and Nagisa looked up from the book he had been trying to read for an hour. Eyes like bruised violet threatened to burn a hole in his chest. "Are you not well? You haven't been concentrating these few weeks."

"Huh?" he said intelligently. "What do you mean, Rei-chan?" He tried to smile, but even that felt slimy and fake on his face. He looked in slight horror and trepidation at Rei.

_Why do you make me feel like this?_ He wanted to scream. _How do I make this stop?_

He was too tired to try his luck this time.

By some trick of fate Makoto seemed to understand his sudden lapse in training. He started shooting sympathetic smiles at him whenever eye contact occurred. Nagisa peered at him through strained eyes and suddenly he knew what the gentle smiles meant.

"You get used to it after a while," Makoto said quietly and he huffed a laugh, green pupils dilating at the mere thought of aqua blue.

Nagisa listened, eyes wide and so very nervous for the first time in his life.

Fate decided to take pity on him, or maybe he never gave Rei enough credit. After all, the boy was top of the class. One day, as they stepped off the train, (Nagisa wondering if he was the only one who noticed the stifling silence), Rei paused and pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Nagisa-kun," he said formally. Nagisa's heart throbbed violently in its cage and suddenly running seemed like a better option.

Then Rei smiled, and as quickly as he pressed his lips to Nagisa's, he was gone.

Suddenly Nagisa's chest didn't seem to hurt as much.

* * *

**notes:**

this is my first free! fic cross-posted on ao3; hope you liked it!

alternative title: the fic where i am still not sure whether it's 'swim club' or 'swimming club', whether a 1am title was the best idea, and i gave up halfway but i hope nobody noticed


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